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988 is a Joke
Jul. 3rd, 2025 09:13 pmSo, last week I was in a Bad Way. I'd started taking one of my medications at dinner, as was prescribed, instead of hastily at bedtime with all the other evening meds. It seems to have sent me pacing before bedtime almost as badly as I was pacing during the weeks of agony as the lithium turned on me. (I went back to taking the Latuda at bedtime and the problem resolved, so I'm pretty sure I'm right about that one.)
I wasn't suicidal as such, but I felt a very strong urge to numb myself, so I decided it merited using the 988 Lifeline. I went to the webpage and chose the chat option, because I don't really like talking on the phone with strangers.
And I waited.
And waited.
And waited.
Finally, I gave up and called the number. I got a perpetually cycling "Your call is very important to us; someone will be with you shortly" recording.
It's a damn good thing I wasn't suicidal.
While the recording played, the line constantly broke up and periodically made weird buzzing noises. I figured it would get better when the counselor got on the line. It didn't, so I went through shouting through the static and repeating myself a lot. Finally, we both got through to each other long enough to communicate our agreement that we should probably hang up so I could try the chat again.
I hunkered down for a long wait and put on Hobo Fabulous, a stand-up comedy album by Craig Ferguson. (I wished I'd had him in my playlist when I was using comedy to distract me from the pain.) However, I got a swift response from someone named Taye. I laid down at the very start that I was not suicidal; I just wanted to be numb. Taye asked me if I was considering self-harm. I assured Taye that I had no plans to do so. We went back and forth for a bit and the Taye pointed me to a pdf called 101 Coping Skills, which I downloaded and glanced over. It was effectively 101 Ways to Cheer Yourself Up. One of the suggestions was "Call/Text a friend." I decided that would be more productive than what I was getting from Taye and it dawned on me.
Taye was an AI chatbot.
I work in AI (please don't kill me) and have for some time, so I'm very familiar with AI output. I know the tells, and Taye had several.
Once again, it was a damn good thing I wasn't suicidal.
I ended the chat and called my friend Brenda, because she lives in California and I wouldn't be waking her. She told me she was a little inebriated, but she'd do her best. We spent about forty-five minutes both reminiscing and catching up. I quietly took my meds while we were talking (one pill at a time) and felt sleepy soon after, so we said goodnight and I went to bed.
I am honestly disgusted. The dropping support for LGBTQ+ people was bad enough, but the fact that I never had a sustained conversation with a live human being was horrific.
If anybody knows an alternate organization to contact for crisis moments (a "warm line" would be fine) please let me know.
Today I took pleasure in a cool drink of water.
Today I learned how to do a numbered list in HTML.
I wasn't suicidal as such, but I felt a very strong urge to numb myself, so I decided it merited using the 988 Lifeline. I went to the webpage and chose the chat option, because I don't really like talking on the phone with strangers.
And I waited.
And waited.
And waited.
Finally, I gave up and called the number. I got a perpetually cycling "Your call is very important to us; someone will be with you shortly" recording.
It's a damn good thing I wasn't suicidal.
While the recording played, the line constantly broke up and periodically made weird buzzing noises. I figured it would get better when the counselor got on the line. It didn't, so I went through shouting through the static and repeating myself a lot. Finally, we both got through to each other long enough to communicate our agreement that we should probably hang up so I could try the chat again.
I hunkered down for a long wait and put on Hobo Fabulous, a stand-up comedy album by Craig Ferguson. (I wished I'd had him in my playlist when I was using comedy to distract me from the pain.) However, I got a swift response from someone named Taye. I laid down at the very start that I was not suicidal; I just wanted to be numb. Taye asked me if I was considering self-harm. I assured Taye that I had no plans to do so. We went back and forth for a bit and the Taye pointed me to a pdf called 101 Coping Skills, which I downloaded and glanced over. It was effectively 101 Ways to Cheer Yourself Up. One of the suggestions was "Call/Text a friend." I decided that would be more productive than what I was getting from Taye and it dawned on me.
Taye was an AI chatbot.
I work in AI (please don't kill me) and have for some time, so I'm very familiar with AI output. I know the tells, and Taye had several.
- No contractions. At all. It took me a bit to notice that, but when Taye wrote a very long reply, it stood out.
- Lots of vague platitudes instead of directly addressing what I was saying.
- A certain disconnect between what I was saying and how Taye was responding.
Once again, it was a damn good thing I wasn't suicidal.
I ended the chat and called my friend Brenda, because she lives in California and I wouldn't be waking her. She told me she was a little inebriated, but she'd do her best. We spent about forty-five minutes both reminiscing and catching up. I quietly took my meds while we were talking (one pill at a time) and felt sleepy soon after, so we said goodnight and I went to bed.
I am honestly disgusted. The dropping support for LGBTQ+ people was bad enough, but the fact that I never had a sustained conversation with a live human being was horrific.
If anybody knows an alternate organization to contact for crisis moments (a "warm line" would be fine) please let me know.
Today I took pleasure in a cool drink of water.
Today I learned how to do a numbered list in HTML.
