The Path to Healing

So I ended up taking the day off from work to recover. I slept a lot, tried to eat (didn't succeed much), watched some Eddie Izzard and contacted everybody I could think of for help and support. britpoptarts and azewewish gave me a listening ear over the phone and I even went to my parents' house for a long heart-to-heart with my mom about it.

I made it to work today (posting quickly between tasks . . . shh!) and somewhere in the space of the morning something happened. I posted it in a private community where I'd been asking for advice, but I feel it's worth cross-posting publicly.

In the course of this morning I tried a simple technique that has been very powerful in easing the burden of pain.

I forgave him.

Instead of waiting for an apology and resenting the lack of one, I simply chose to forgive every injury, imagined or deliberate. (To his credit, there weren't very many of the deliberate variety.)

So instead of brooding on the unpleasant bits, when they come to mind, I simply think "I forgive you" and the pain quickly dissipates. For some of them, I have to say it a few times before it takes (maybe Christ was on to something with that "seven times seven times" method) but eventually the knot unravels.

And it may seem to some like I'm letting him 'get away with it' but seething with resentment doesn't really punish him now does it? I forgive for my own sake and my own healing. I'm still detaching myself and toning things down between us, but by forgiving him I feel I can speed up the process of healing from the damage.

I'm still open to advice for dealing with the lingering pain, but I must say I'm feeling much better already . . .

Stomach's still a little touchy, but everything feels much better already. Wow.

What a strange month it's been.